I’m stepping on the accelerator but I’m not moving any faster. I’m telling my muscles to lift but they can no longer bear the strain. I’m digging deep to find a new and different solution but nothing comes.
I feel like I’ve hit a limit, a cap, a ceiling. Inside me stirs an urge to break these bonds but more so there’s a steadfast conviction that I already can and should. And so I push even harder until my eyes instinctively close shutting out the world and all its stimuli leaving me alone with the stone that blocks my way forward.
But it rarely comes and I’m left an exhausted heap watching my breath leave me in labored pants. Sometimes frustration sets in as I consider the conundrum, the mismatch between the facts of reality and what I feel deep inside. Taking leave of all logic, in the deepest recesses of my marrow echoes a voice that somehow knows beyond knowing that I’m stronger, faster or better than the obstruction. Yet time after time the immovable rock sits victorious having weathered my force to a standstill.
It’s little more than a string of failures this business of learning and improvement. But instead of a giving up to the endeavour it is a giving in to the very real limits we have, at least for now. It is to say “today I have no more to give. But tomorrow I will be back and we shall wrestle again!”